


Ring of Fire

by ashadowonthewall



Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Arson, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Character Death, Fireman!Beecher, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Prison, Racism, Racist Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-11
Updated: 2013-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-28 22:59:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/679832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashadowonthewall/pseuds/ashadowonthewall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an old one from last years <a href="http://oz-graffiti.livejournal.com/">oz_graffiti</a> challenge. You can find the original post <a href="http://oz-graffiti.livejournal.com/67219.html">here</a>, including the original artwork by <a href="http://dressedindeath.livejournal.com/">dressedindeath</a>. Though it's probably a better idea to read this one since it's the updated version without all the abominable spelling and grammatical mistakes (or at least...less of them XD). You've read the warnings, if you find any of the content in this story triggering then you probably shouldn't read it. Unbeta'd. Comments and kudos are always welcome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

[ ](http://s1139.photobucket.com/albums/n560/youtoxic/Oz/?action=view&current=OzGraffixation2_3_zps9a359688.png)

Toby was shocked when he turned on the news to find that a local church had been torched and that there were already numerous casualties. He’d quit the fire department just a few months ago, but the idea of all those people dying struck fear and disgust into him, so much so that he almost broke down right then and there. 

He’d gotten drunk the night before, and fell asleep on the couch, and this kind of news was not something he wanted to wake up to. But what was worse was what came after.

When he heard the reporter say _“Chris Keller”_ he froze for a moment and thought that he was hearing things. But after two more times, and a picture of his former lover coming up on the screen, Toby almost died inside. A twisted sensation started building up in his gut but he couldn’t keep his eyes off the screen.

He knew this was because of their break-up just a few months past. And he knew the reason why Chris attacked the church. It was because the priest who performed sermons there, Father Mukada, had once rejected Chris’ demand that he and Toby get married. Chris was drunk at the time of course; it happened just when the two of them were on their way back home from a club. Father Mukada just happened to be walking down the same street as them, making his way to his car. It took Toby a long time to calm Chris down that night because he started getting violent, making threats to the priest with Toby trying his best to negotiate the situation.

That was one of many incidents when Toby had considered breaking up with him. And they’d been dating for almost two years then. He knew that burning down the church was Chris’ way of telling Toby that his feelings for him hadn’t changed. But it was also a punishment because, to his horror, Toby didn’t miss the part in the news coverage about Chris being one of the casualties too.

His head was reeling from all the beer he drank, Toby tried to stand up but he stumbled and fell to the floor. The rotten feeling in his gut grew worse by the minute; he felt bile building up in his throat. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to make it to the bathroom on time so he just gave in, throwing up on the floor just in front of him before landing on his side, crying uncontrollably.

In the back of his mind, he still had that same naive thought that went through his head whenever he thought of Chris Keller; that had he not let him go, Chris would still be alive and Toby could have saved him.

\--

It was hard to imagine how much time had passed up until this point in his life. Only two years ago it seemed that he and Chris were quite happy together. And happiness was a feeling that Toby knew he had to cherish. He hadn’t felt it in a long time since the day he turned thirty and decided to stop pretending to be someone he wasn’t. Most of it had to do with him not wanting to be a lawyer anymore. He pissed his parents off by finally telling the truth to their face, but the final blow was when he went through with it, decided he wasn’t going to work for the firm anymore; that he was going to get a new job.

It cost him the life he thought he knew he had, including his wife and children. And that wasn’t the half of it. Telling everyone else he ever knew that he didn’t want to be a lawyer was easy. But telling his wife that he didn’t want to be married to her anymore because he didn’t want to live a lie was difficult. He didn’t know how else to put it to her so he told her the truth, the awful truth being that even though in his heart he did have some affection toward her, he never had any sexual feelings for her for as long as he could remember. All it took was two words; two words that Toby soon found would shape the rest of his life forever.

_“I’m gay.”_

The words didn’t seem to sink in at first. Genevieve just shot him a look of disapproval. But Toby quickly managed to make the message more than obvious to her.

“I’m gay, Gen,” he said. “I’m a faggot, a queer, a homo, I like _men_. I’ve never had any sexual feelings for you. I’m so sorry; I’ve tried _really_ hard, and I just don’t. But I do love you, which is why I’m telling you the truth right now, because you deserve better than this, better than me!”

Coming out to his girlfriend was the easy part. Telling his parents was hard, but somehow the conversation quickly turned into him shouting at the two of them about how he didn’t want to be a lawyer.

“I just can’t do it anymore!” he shouted, standing over them at the dinner table a week after he’d broken up with her when they were trying so desperately to get him to take her back. I hate my life. I don’t want to be a lawyer. I don’t want to marry Genevieve. I don’t want to marry anyone. I don’t know what I want, really. I just want…”

 _Something different_ , something better than the mediocre excuse for a life he’d been living up till that point? Toby couldn’t bring himself to say it. He’d said all he needed to when he came out to Genevieve. His distaste for his father’s profession was the final blow, and he almost felt bad for making his parents look at him the way they did.

The truth was that he didn’t see the point of it all; being a lawyer, living up to his parent’s expectations and having a girlfriend who would later become his wife. To continue living the same boring life of everyone else he knew was not something he wanted. He wanted _more_ , and he wasn’t exactly sure what that was, but he was determined to find out.


	2. Chapter 2

Ever since he was young, Toby’s father told him that every man came to a crossroads at one point or another, where the choices he made affected his life forever. Toby came to that crossroads, and had chosen a different path for himself. And now he’s not quite certain if he made the right one; at least when it came to falling in love.

Toby decided to become a fireman because he wanted to save people. It seemed different to being a lawyer in so many ways because it required action. It didn’t take him long to get settled in that line of work; he was bright so he aced the tests and training that was needed. And his family already had some friends in the fire department. They were still very supportive of him, despite everything. His father still had that downcast look about him whenever he and Toby were in the same room together, but they didn’t disown him, which was what he was certain they’d do the day he came out.

His first fire was frightening, and it was the first time he ever came close to seeing what death really was. It was a family that lived just a few blocks away from his brother. Toby had saved the child during the fire, a young girl of ten. He carried her through the smoke, and he can still remember to this day how heavy she felt then. She survived without any serious damage but needed to be taken to emergency care as soon as possible. When he got the news that she was alive, Toby almost broke into tears, tears of happiness. It wasn’t for him, it wasn’t a vanity thing; he was just glad to have saved a life, because for once in his own life, he felt like he’d done something worthwhile.

For a long time, Toby wished that he had the same success in his relationships. Unfortunately for him that wasn’t the case. He didn’t know if any of the other guys at work were of the same persuasion as him. Given the endless string of gay jokes he had to overhear whenever he was in the locker rooms, he knew he had to tread a fine line where the openness about his sexuality was concerned. And the only reason his friends treated him differently was because he was good old Toby, not because they didn’t think his preferences were disgusting.

Most of the men he hooked up with were strangers, usually ones he’d picked up in bars. They all liked him; they liked his innocence and the way he’d sometimes stumble over his words, most guys found it cute and usually they couldn’t wait until he took them back to his apartment and let them fuck him. Toby quickly learned that he was one of those that liked to be _taken_.

To him, there was nothing better than the feeling of being pressed down against the sheets, stronger arms flipping him tenderly about and stripping his clothes off slowly until he was left there, bare-naked and wanting. He liked the feel of their arms, hands and tongue against his thighs. The feel of fingers teasing his hole, pushing in and out of him, that burning sensation making his cock ache with pleasure to the point where he was begging to be fucked.

None of it ever meant anything because they were always gone in the morning, and he went back to work or to his regular life. And it was sad, because he always wanted more.

After a while it wasn’t the sex that mattered because he’s always find himself cuddling up to some guy when they lay together in bed after a good night’s fuck. He was always pushed away, or the other guy would just roll over and fall asleep while Toby was left there, staring at the wall in disbelief.

 _'What’s wrong with me'_? He thought. 

His mind wouldn’t come up with an answer.

\--

He’d met Chris in much the same way he did the other guys. He was at the bars and he’d noticed him from across the room. Toby had been going to the same bar for years so any new face was instantly recognizable to him. And Chris was better looking than any of the other guys in the room. He sat there, dressed in a white singlet and dark green trousers, sipping a beer casually while looking down at his hand, which was curled up into a fist. Toby sat next to him at first, not speaking, just observing. Chris didn’t notice him at all; he seemed to be off in his own world, unaware of his surroundings, or just too drunk to care.

“Hi there,” Toby said casually, waving when Chris turned to face him. He felt like such a dork, but Chris seemed to find him charming because he smiled back and even winked before taking a long sip of his beer.

Toby couldn’t keep his eyes off Chris’ arms then, especially the tattoo of what looked like an abstract style crucifix across his left arm. He got the strange feeling that this was a guy who didn’t quite belong; it was hard to explain. Chris stood out in the bar, amongst all the other guys. He had this look in his eye that gave Toby the hint that he may have been through a lot, and the way he cracked his knuckles and squeezed his hand into a fist every once in a while suggested he may have felt tense.

Toby ordered a couple more beers and it wasn’t long before he and Chris started talking. All the other guys were dancing, and Toby never danced.

Neither did Chris, it seemed because every time he turned his head to look out on to the dance floor, he had this look that suggested distaste.

“I don’t come to places like this very often, you know,” he said pulling a cigarette lighter out of his pocket and playing with it, turning it in his hand.

“Why not?” Toby asked.

“Why not?” Chris replied. “All the guys here are such fairy fags”.

Toby shot him a look of both confusion and disapproval, but Chris only started to chuckle.

“No, I don’t mean it that way,” he said. “Believe me buddy, I like to get my dick sucked, and fuck a nice ass just as much as any of these guys. But I like _men_ , you know, which none of these limp-dick fucks really are”.

Toby was confused. He’d heard about self-hating types before, and he wasn’t sure whether he was about to start flirting with one. He didn’t like the way Chris used those words so loosely, and he didn’t like the way he was judging everyone else around him. He seemed arrogant that way, but Toby also detected a hint of cynicism in the way he spoke. But he liked his smile, and he liked the way Chris’ eyes trailed up and down at him. And he was _very_ attractive; Toby would’ve had to be a fool to turn him down.

They both took another sip of their drinks before Chris put his arm on Toby’s shoulder and smiled.

“So,” he said, moving closer to him until their eyes were fixed together. “Why don’t we just skip all the bullshit and go back to your place?”

Toby thought he’d never ask.


	3. Chapter 3

They didn’t fuck as soon as they walked in through the door. They talked, casually as guys did. Toby went to the fridge to grab some beer out of the fridge as Chris made himself comfortable on the couch.

After a few more drinks, Toby had learned more about Chris than he cared to know, because if they were only going to fuck, it felt awkward having to hear another man’s story. And yet that was what he did, sat there listening as Chris poured his guts out, telling him about his life, how he got into crime at a young age, about the time he served. He even talked about the time that he was abused in prison, by some older guy named Schillinger.

“He was a fucking Nazi,” Chris said, sipping his beer.

Toby looked confused for a moment.

“No, I mean a real Nazi; redneck white power type motherfucker. But…he did like getting his cock sucked just as much as any other guy. Sadistic son of a bitch, he was. Saved my life though, because I could’ve had worse. It was either him or some big dumb nigger who’d flip my ass once he was done with me. I guess you could say I took the better of two evils”.

There was a long silence after Chris had told him that, because Toby didn’t quite know how to respond. He’d heard all the stories about prison rape, but had never met anyone who’d experienced it firsthand. He didn’t know why Chris was being so honest with him about it, because most victims of rape and abuse didn’t just come out about their experience to just anyone.

He figured if Chris was telling him this, then that meant that he trusted him. That or he’d come to that point where he was able to put it behind him.

There was still the chance that he was faking it, that he was just using it as an act just to get into Toby’s pants. But it couldn’t have been that, because Toby wasn’t in the mood to reject anyone that night.

When they did end up fucking, it was slow at first and then fast and hard. Chris knew how to guide Toby’s body in a way that most men weren’t able to. He pinned him to the wall, holding him by the shoulders, wrapping his legs around Toby’s and slipped into him gently at first, before pounding his ass hard and fast until Toby had to bite down on the pillow to stifle a loud moan.

Chris sucked him off until he came in his mouth, and Toby was sat on the edge of the bed when Chris stood above him cupping his chin, making sure Toby would return the favor. His cock was hard, big and beautiful when Toby wrapped his lips around the length of him, wetting the rock-hard shaft with saliva and spit, until he swallowed him whole, making Chris tilt his head back with pleasure, letting out a loud moan.

“Oh, fuck! Toby!” Chris gasped, his cock in hand just inches away from Toby’s mouth, strings of come shooting across Toby’s lips and tongue, some dripping down his chin.

When they both cleaned up and lied down on the bed, Chris pulled Toby close to him.

Toby buried his head in the other man’s chest, and it amazed him how much he liked the sound of someone else’s heartbeat singing him to sleep.

\--

The decision to move in together didn’t happen immediately. Toby saw Chris on a regular basis, sometimes came to the man’s flat after work. They weren’t quite dating, nor did they tell anyone they knew about how they were seeing each other. Toby wasn’t sure whether he liked the secrecy, but whenever he mentioned it to Chris he shrugged it off, saying it wasn’t important. As always, Toby’s mouth betrayed him when he pushed the subject further.

“Are you ashamed of me?” he’d ask.

“No,” Chris barked back one evening when they were sat together on the couch sharing a beer. “I just don’t see why the fuck we should broadcast what we have to the whole world so just drop it okay. Jesus fucking Christ you’re too much sometimes”.

Toby was willing to ignore most of what Chris said because he could be incredibly kind at other times, and he was probably the best lay he’d ever had. Eventually people started to find out about them, including his own parents and it made him feel stupid for even bringing up the subject about coming out in the first place.

It was only when the two of them moved in together that Toby started noticing some other things wrong with his boyfriend. Chris drank a lot; he swore in his sleep, woke up moody and aggressive, and went through periods of withdrawal. He didn’t have a job, and whenever Toby brought up the subject of trying to get one, Chris became defensive again, so he stopped.

The breaking point for the two of them came a year after they’d been living together. Chris was jealous and paranoid; whenever they went to the clubs or bars and Toby would talk to other guys, Chris would get violent. There were a few incidents where he threatened both Toby and the other guys. Given Chris’s criminal history, Toby was sure he would carry out those threats.

The sex was the worst, because it was Chris’ way of taking his aggression out on Toby. He hurt him, calling him names and sometimes took to degrading him when they fucked, so much so that Toby felt violated afterward. The bruises on his chest and stomach were all the evidence he needed that he was spiralling toward an abusive relationship.

\--

When things settled down after a year or so, Toby thought things had changed. But it was the incident with Mukada that woke him up, forcing him to make the hard decision to break up with Chris, which also ended in him having to punch the guy in the face. It was the first time in his life that Toby was able to stand up for himself. Part of him regrets it now, but he knows that if he didn’t, Chris would have most likely killed him that night.

Looking back on it all, Toby can’t believe how short a time it’s been, and he also can’t believe that he was so willing to give his heart and soul to someone who he now knows didn’t deserve it. He hates himself; it’s the reason why he started drinking when Chris left, the reason why he quit the fire department and the reason why he knows he’s going to sink further into a hole with the knowledge that Chris is dead and that he took so many lives with him.

Toby lifts himself off the floor and goes out of his apartment for a while, walking down the stairs to check his mailbox, which he hasn’t done in maybe a few weeks. When he opens it, there’s only one letter, which is strange because he’d have expected more. The letter doesn’t say who it’s from, and when he opens it his eyes widen in shock. His heart sinks in his chest, and he feels like he could die.

It’s from Chris; he can tell it had been written just before the fire.

_Toby  
Can’t you see? I did what I did out of love  
CK_

When he walks back into his room he wants to fall on the couch and fall asleep, better yet die. But his phone is ringing and he reluctantly picks it up to realize it’s the police department calling him, and he feels the fear building up inside him again.

“Tobias Beecher,” the voice says on the other. “We may need you to come down to the morgue. There’s a body here that needs identification”.


End file.
